Lifestyle Changes

I'm seeing my life change on a daily basis. Change is the one thing we can count on in our lives, and I have always been aware of that, but in the past it seemed like change wasn't always healthy. Today, I choose healthy, and tomorrow I hope to do the same. I do not always make perfect choices, but the choices I make now are much more calculated than previously.

For example, yesterday I did my first Dry Tri at Orange Theory Fitness (OTF). A Dry Tri is a in gym triathlon that includes a 2000 meter row, 600 body weight movements, and 2.5k power walk or 5k run. I'm not a runner yet, so for me it was the power walk. I finished in roughly an hour, and I have a real sense of accomplishment just from finishing. This is not something I could have done 3 months ago when I first joined OTF. My 12 year old daughter was able to come cheer me on, and afterward I promised to take her to DelTaco. This is one of the only fast food places we ever eat at. I walked in planning on ordering my usual, 2 chicken soft tacos on soft corn tortillas without secret sauce, and then got sucked in by the Queso Blanco advertising.

Here is where it gets amazing. As we were coming out of OTF I could smell french fries, I'm not sure where the scent came from, but  I commented to my daughter that they smelled yummy. I like french fries, but for me they are not typically hard to resist. This day was no different, until we were looking at the Queso Blanco menu and they had cheese fries. In the past I might have just had them, but thanks to fast food menuing that includes the calories, I knew they were 500 calories. Some quick calculations, knowing that I actually hadn't eaten much for the day, and I realized I could indulge, a little. I asked my daughter if she would like to split an order, decided to get only one taco and no iced coffee, but unsweetened iced tea. This is a win!

Did I need fries? No, I could have gone without them. Did I allow myself a food that sounded good when I was in the mood? Yes, because I know that allowing myself an occasional day of reduced vigilance, especially in the light of so much physical activity, keeps me from feeling deprived. Feelings of deprivation can lead to binges, and I want to avoid that. The key here is knowing when to give in to a craving, and when to exercise will power. In the end, giving in to the craving is actually will power because I made a careful decision, not a decision made in a moment ruled by emotional eating. That is powerful indeed.

40+ Lbs. Gone!

No more plateau, and I guess it wasn't really a long one or anything, but I've been kind of use to losing a lb or so every couple of days, when I don't it seems odd. Anyway, I got on the scale today and am down to 322, that is 41 lbs off. I don't think I've ever successfully lost this much weight. Even bigger is the transforming of my mind.

I mentioned in my blog a couple of days ago that I had been thinking about a blog I wanted to write but then it was whisked out of my mind. Here it is, back again. I know that God promises to transform our minds, and I know that I have changed so much from the woman I was when I first accepted Jesus as my Savior, but I'm so glad that He isn't content leaving me there.

My weight has been a lifelong struggle, as any of you who know me are well aware. I know it is a kind of bondage, and one that in some ways I've inflicted upon myself. I'm not sure why. I've met friends who have clear issues with being slim and/or at a healthy weight, and my subconscious tells me that there is something that is an issue for me, but I cannot put a finger on it.

I often ask myself is eating a form of self medication? What am I medicating? I look back, and while my life isn't perfect, I think I've had it pretty good. I had a loving family, my dad wasn't present, but I had a grandpa and uncle that were daily parts of my life. I've forgiven my father long ago for not being there when I was young, and we have many years of a great relationship now. My mom worked a lot, she had to, but I was always with my grandma, one of the most important people in my life.

As I walk down this road and work on myself, I cannot deny that I have emotional struggles to overcome. I, like so many people that are obese, have been an emotional eater. I've said it before, and I will say it again, I think that we are taught that by our society. Perhaps my greatest struggle with emotional eating is knowing what I'm feeling. It may sound silly, but that is something I have had a hard time with for a long time. I did a workshop called Heart Change many years ago, and I realized then that I intellectualize everything, and I don't really allow myself to feel my feelings.

This blog, this slow weight transformation, it is going to stir up feelings that I have to learn to take to the foot of the cross where they belong. I have got to stop holding on to them, but at the same time I have to give myself permission to feel them. If you haven't struggled with these things, bless you, but I know that my emotions are going to have to be addressed, and as I address them I see how the transformation of my mind is happening.

Without the element of emotional eating, as the Lord transforms me to understand that I am eating to fuel my body, making good choices is becoming easier, and a habit. He is so good to me that He gives me pleasure even in fueling my body, but I have to learn that He is my fuel, and I don't need to overeat to stuff the feelings I should be turning over to Him. 40 lbs lost means nothing, if my mind and emotions are not shifting so I can keep it off.