I mentioned in my blog a couple of days ago that I had been thinking about a blog I wanted to write but then it was whisked out of my mind. Here it is, back again. I know that God promises to transform our minds, and I know that I have changed so much from the woman I was when I first accepted Jesus as my Savior, but I'm so glad that He isn't content leaving me there.
My weight has been a lifelong struggle, as any of you who know me are well aware. I know it is a kind of bondage, and one that in some ways I've inflicted upon myself. I'm not sure why. I've met friends who have clear issues with being slim and/or at a healthy weight, and my subconscious tells me that there is something that is an issue for me, but I cannot put a finger on it.
I often ask myself is eating a form of self medication? What am I medicating? I look back, and while my life isn't perfect, I think I've had it pretty good. I had a loving family, my dad wasn't present, but I had a grandpa and uncle that were daily parts of my life. I've forgiven my father long ago for not being there when I was young, and we have many years of a great relationship now. My mom worked a lot, she had to, but I was always with my grandma, one of the most important people in my life.
As I walk down this road and work on myself, I cannot deny that I have emotional struggles to overcome. I, like so many people that are obese, have been an emotional eater. I've said it before, and I will say it again, I think that we are taught that by our society. Perhaps my greatest struggle with emotional eating is knowing what I'm feeling. It may sound silly, but that is something I have had a hard time with for a long time. I did a workshop called Heart Change many years ago, and I realized then that I intellectualize everything, and I don't really allow myself to feel my feelings.
This blog, this slow weight transformation, it is going to stir up feelings that I have to learn to take to the foot of the cross where they belong. I have got to stop holding on to them, but at the same time I have to give myself permission to feel them. If you haven't struggled with these things, bless you, but I know that my emotions are going to have to be addressed, and as I address them I see how the transformation of my mind is happening.
Without the element of emotional eating, as the Lord transforms me to understand that I am eating to fuel my body, making good choices is becoming easier, and a habit. He is so good to me that He gives me pleasure even in fueling my body, but I have to learn that He is my fuel, and I don't need to overeat to stuff the feelings I should be turning over to Him. 40 lbs lost means nothing, if my mind and emotions are not shifting so I can keep it off.
God bless you, Amanda ! You're doing great! All the best! XOXO
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Lil, everyone's encouragement helps for sure.
DeleteHello my friend, it's been a long time since we have chatted, but I have always watched you on FB and kept up with what you are doing or going through. You are doing very well with this. I am very happy for you. I need a little inspiration and I think seeing this has helped me. Thank you my friend. Finny I was playing spades this morning and thought of you and how many games we used to play. Now...on to find you on Sparkpeople. xoxoxo ~Sandy
ReplyDeleteHey Sandy,
DeleteIt is great to hear from you. I've been loosely keeping track of you too. It seems like you have had a lot going on. I would love to get in touch. I miss playing games online like we used to :)
I'm glad you are encouraged. I'm AMANDABVELLINGA on SparkPeople. I leave my food logs open so people can see them.