Sorry I've been away so long, but life is hectic.

Wow! Time has gone by so quickly. I've been very busy with school, where I'm finding chemistry challenging. My weight had been holding, and I think it was the way I was eating. Food was too good at school, and I was eating more there than I should, and it was rich food. That being said, I still eat there once in a while so I don't feel deprived. I made a big dietary decision. Since I do not have time to calculate every morsel that goes in my mouth I'm primarily eating vegan. I'm not going to be dogged about it, although I did start to drop weight right away when I changed.
My first motivation to try veganism again was that I was having lots of inflammation problems, and I knew it had to be food related. Because I was eating out a lot it was hard to calculate things like sodium and fat. I know that even though I've been indulging a bit more in things like nuts and avocado, they are healthy fats, and much better for me than some of the fats I was consuming. Don't get me wrong, there are still lots of things I was doing right, but some old habits resurfaced too. Anyway, the inflammation was nearly immediately resolved, and then my energy level went up too. I'm able to push myself harder at the gym, and I'm sure that I will be seeing that 100lbs down mark sooner than later.
Here is the most astonishing thing, I think I'm becoming a morning person. Something I thought I would never be. I've always been a night owl, finding it hard to go to sleep before 11 and get up before 10, but that is completely different now. I'm super productive in the morning, and I get up by 7 or earlier everyday. A couple of days a week I go to the gym at 5 am. Something I wouldn't have even thought of doing before.
Also, since I've started school I have been making a habit of working on going up and down stairs more. I still usually take an elevator, but I go down stairs one foot at a time and forward. It may sound silly, but that is big progress. I don't know when I started, but at some point I started going down the stairs sideways and had to put both feet on one step before I stepped down to the next. It was a rather slow agonizing process. Going down stairs is still a challenge, but I do push myself to do a few more every week. Plus, my daughter asked me if I would go up the stair with her at Market of Choice one day and I did. She was astonished and said "Mom, you could never have done that so easy in the past." So, there is still constant progress, even though I feel like I've plateaued a bit. I don't plan on letting the holidays reverse that progress, and I should have more time once I'm past finals to let you know some of the strategies I use to keep it healthy during the holidays. Until next time, I hope you are spending time pursuing your health in a new way each day!

Life Changes, Stress, and Lifestyle Management

I know, it has been a while, please excuse the distance between posts. I have been pretty busy. I wasn't planning on doing school full time when I started, I wasn't planning to have a job while in school, but my plate is delightfully full. I'm enjoying having so much time that is productive, something I couldn't have sustained before the lifestyle changes I started in March, but I do still get tired, or perhaps just too busy to think about the minute details.
The biggest change, besides being constantly on the run, and never really having a day home to just relax, is my diet. With busyness comes the problem of lack of time. Lack of time to create the foods I prefer to eat, lack of time to plan ahead. This, and the fact that the school has a culinary department that makes the food, has led me to some less than ideal eating. It is hard to schedule eating 5-6 times a day. It is hard to eat smaller meals. It is hard to prepare meals. Add in a bit of stress, and my eating has not been what it was previously. I think this may be preventing the scale from moving.
All that, but I am not slipping that far into old patterns. I still limit my starchy carbs, I still typically stop at one plate, I still try to use portion control on those things that matter. (In other words anything not vegetable.) My new healthy habits are not gone, but perhaps a bit transformed. I do still go to Orange Theory Fitness 3-5 times a week, and I'm so glad I do.
I'm not sure what the greatest praise in all of this is. My weight has stayed the same under less than ideal circumstances, that is not a bad thing. I have made some really healthy new habits. School is going well, and even though I'm busy I'm more capable of handing that than I was previously. All in all, I feel great about where I'm at. Do I still want to lose more weight? Of course. My goal is to be in a healthy BMI, but I will not condemn myself for where I am right now, and I'm sure the weight will still come off, and I'm certainly giving it no opportunity to come back!

I'm an Overcomer

Madisa's song is reverberating in my mind, and it is inspiring me to not quit or give in. The start to school has been a bit rocky. I had my first test this week and I did not get a score I'm happy with. I know that God will walk me through this too, so I put my faith in Him. It has been a rough transition into school. I'm still doing well with going to Orange Theory at least three times a week, working towards five, but not there just yet.

Today I'm tired, and feeling a bit overwhelmed. I had an interaction with a beloved and valuable friend, and I was much less than loving, kind, and encouraging. I'm working through that with the Lord, and it brings me to other areas I need to grow in. I've been a co-dependent for so much of my life, and I believe shedding that skin is a necessary step in my walk.

I'm sort of holding steady on my weight right now, but eating right in my super busy schedule has been challenging. I've gotten almost en entirely new wardrobe since working and going to school means I need to wear decent looking clothes, and nothing I had previously seemed to fit. It is a good thing.

Lifestyle Changes

I'm seeing my life change on a daily basis. Change is the one thing we can count on in our lives, and I have always been aware of that, but in the past it seemed like change wasn't always healthy. Today, I choose healthy, and tomorrow I hope to do the same. I do not always make perfect choices, but the choices I make now are much more calculated than previously.

For example, yesterday I did my first Dry Tri at Orange Theory Fitness (OTF). A Dry Tri is a in gym triathlon that includes a 2000 meter row, 600 body weight movements, and 2.5k power walk or 5k run. I'm not a runner yet, so for me it was the power walk. I finished in roughly an hour, and I have a real sense of accomplishment just from finishing. This is not something I could have done 3 months ago when I first joined OTF. My 12 year old daughter was able to come cheer me on, and afterward I promised to take her to DelTaco. This is one of the only fast food places we ever eat at. I walked in planning on ordering my usual, 2 chicken soft tacos on soft corn tortillas without secret sauce, and then got sucked in by the Queso Blanco advertising.

Here is where it gets amazing. As we were coming out of OTF I could smell french fries, I'm not sure where the scent came from, but  I commented to my daughter that they smelled yummy. I like french fries, but for me they are not typically hard to resist. This day was no different, until we were looking at the Queso Blanco menu and they had cheese fries. In the past I might have just had them, but thanks to fast food menuing that includes the calories, I knew they were 500 calories. Some quick calculations, knowing that I actually hadn't eaten much for the day, and I realized I could indulge, a little. I asked my daughter if she would like to split an order, decided to get only one taco and no iced coffee, but unsweetened iced tea. This is a win!

Did I need fries? No, I could have gone without them. Did I allow myself a food that sounded good when I was in the mood? Yes, because I know that allowing myself an occasional day of reduced vigilance, especially in the light of so much physical activity, keeps me from feeling deprived. Feelings of deprivation can lead to binges, and I want to avoid that. The key here is knowing when to give in to a craving, and when to exercise will power. In the end, giving in to the craving is actually will power because I made a careful decision, not a decision made in a moment ruled by emotional eating. That is powerful indeed.

It is Official, I'm at 299 lbs

I know, I've been close for a while, but today the scale actually read 299. I'm so excited to be continuing to lose weight. It feels good to have lost 64lbs, and counting. I'm rediscovering my love of clothes shopping, although some things are cut strange, and sometimes my body is a strange shape.

So, I have always been honest with you about the changes happening, and I feel like I still need to be. The one that is disconcerting right now is that the extra skin on my lower belly folds and I'm lovingly calling it my second butt. My husband gets offended I call it that, but let me tell you, it is hard to dress it. Pants that fit right everywhere else don't quite fit the second butt correctly.

This is a journey, and I know it isn't always going to be great. However, the payoff is feeling better and being healthier. That is well worth every effort.

Hello from My Busy Life!

Whew! It has been a while. I didn't even realize how long until I shared my blog with a new friend I made at Heart Change over the weekend. The journey continues. I have still not dropped below 300, but I'm super close. This lifestyle is becoming more of habit. My youngest daughter started school last week, and I'm driving her and her BFF to school everyday so I can go to Orange Theory right after. I'm actually enjoying starting a schedule.

I feel like as I settle into that schedule, and get started in school it will be a good thing. It is going to make it easier, having a routine. Routine has never been a strong point for me. I'm not always sure I'm designed to do the same things day in and day out. We will see how that goes. Meanwhile, I need to regulate diet amidst the rest of this.

I haven't been so strict on diet, and I'm finding that since my body was already sort of trained on diet I tend to still be okay in not being too strict. I haven't been keeping track daily, but when I do go to check my diet I usually find that I'm on track, or under on daily calories. My body has become accustomed to smaller portion sizes, frequent small meals, and much less sugar. My daughter gave me a brownie the other night after I got home from Heart Change, and everyone said it was super delicious, but I found it too sweet and as much as I enjoy chocolate two bites was plenty for me. Those sort of changes encourage me.

Although the things that have been really encouraging me are the increased ability to do things in and out of the gym. We went to the beach and the walk up the steep hill was no biggie for me. I did 70 squats down to the bench last week. Something I don't think I could have done one of when I started Orange Theory. I'm getting ready now to do the dry triathlon at Orange Theory in two weeks. I'm not sure I can finish it in the allotted hour, but I'm going to give it my best try.  I will update you on my progress on that. It is my first step toward a traditional triathlon, which I hope to do next summer. Up and onward I go!

This Journey

Once again, some time has passed since my last blog. I've been very busy getting ready for school, both for myself, and my two daughters. I'm still kind of maintaining in about the same place I was. I think I may have shook the plateau, we will see. I was helping at a Heart Change workshop, and I found myself in the position of eating the food placed before me. I put it in God's hands. When I came back I was about 4 lbs up from when I had left, but that weight dropped off quickly. I think perhaps my body had gone into starvation/conservation mode, so I wasn't losing. Now I hope it is convinced that I was not starving, and I can start dropping again.

I am finding that I'm ready to start downsizing my clothes. I have a lot that don't fit, some of them very nice, and I will be listing them on eBay. I'm also trying to get my wardrobe ready for school. I'm finding that I'm enjoying clothes shopping again. Something I really haven't had the pleasure of doing for many years, or at least not without heading out of town to a special store. Now I can fit into sizes that are carried at Ross, and other stores. It is nice to be able to shop in a regular store.

You know, maybe in my mind I was downplaying that, but it is a really big non-scale victory. I forgot how much I love to clothes shop. I will have to be careful, because it could become an unhealthy addiction. Perhaps I need to work in retail again. I'm not sure, with all that is on my plate, that I'm ready to add a job to it. I feel like my days right now revolve around meal prep, exercising, and managing the household. To that I will be adding school. I want to see how I can manage all that before I bite off way more than I can chew.