I'm Still Here, and Still Working Hard

It has been so long since I created a new post, and I apologize. The weight has been coming off slowly, but it has been coming off. I'm not below 300 just yet, but getting oh so close. Lately life has been filled with so many non-scale victories that I had to share them here. My hubby and I spent the day together, and as part of the day we went to the Ross store in Albany. I think it tends to have more plus size clothing than the one here in Corvallis. Everything I tried on fit, and I tried on 3x and some 2x. I actually bought two items that were 2x. I haven't been able to fit a 2x since before I met my hubby over 19 years ago. Wow! It is pretty exciting to be able to walk into a store and find things that fit, I've had to catalog shop, or shop at special plus size stores for years.

Also on the note of sizing, and changes, I had to buy new winter shoes this week. I have always had wide feet, and for many years I've only worn Crocs, Birkenstocks, and Merrell Moccasins, but my feet have really been changing. Last week we had a bit of a cold snap and I decided to wear my Merrell's. After I had them on, I had to admit that my feet had gotten so much narrower that they were slopping around in my shoes. Since the shoes don't tie, they weren't going to work for winter. We were shopping in Albany and I saw these cute Clark shoes. They looked like they would be great for winter and walking around the college I'll be attending this fall, but I also didn't think they would fit. I've worn size 10s for years because I needed the width, but I've always been a size 9 1/2. These shoes were a 9 1/2 and regular width, I almost didn't try them on. My hubby persuaded me, and they fit, beautifully. Since they tie, they should be functional for a while.

Now, some non clothing related victories. This one is about movement. I have had a hard time with stairs for several years, only taking them when I absolutely have to. A couple of days ago we were in Market of Choice and although I rode the elevator up to go to the bathroom, I took the stairs down. Down is the harder for me, and I won't lie, it was still rough but I did it. Mobility is becoming so much less an issue. God is still working on my negative talk and attitudes about mobility.

The negative talk God is helping me overcome lately is the one that involves fitness. I love going to Orange Theory Fitness, something I thought I would never say. Even so, sometimes I find myself working hard to convince myself that I want to go. I always enjoy it once I get there, but I have this old negative thing about going to the gym. I'm realizing it is tied to a deeper lie that I am not athletic. My life choices have not been athleticism, but those were my choices, my body has always been capable of it. I am realizing that saying I'm not an athlete when I have athletic goals is like creating a self fulfilling prophecy. That is no longer how I live. I'm not limited by the past.

Perhaps that is the greatest victory, and one I'm constantly reaffirming, I'm not limited by what I have been. My future is today, this moment, now. I can choose how I want to move forward in this moment, and with the Lord's guidance and transformation my choices are getting better all the time. I'm happy to be moving ahead, and I can't wait to see what tomorrow is, but today I'm going to Orange Theory Fitness, and then maybe the Farmer's Market.

Lifestyle Decisions

Lifestyle, it has to support any pursuit of health. Dictionary.com defines lifestyle as "the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc.,that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group." You must change each of those things if you want to successfully change from a pursuit of dis-ease, to a pursuit of health.

Let me break this down. Habits and attitudes often walk hand in hand. I have a very dear friend who has a habit of dis-ease. He doesn't see it as that, but it is none the less. He likes to go to convenience stores. He has done it for so long that I don't think he can imagine not going to them. My family on the other hand, very rarely goes to one. In this habit, he buys a diet soda. Would he buy that diet soda if he went to a regular grocery? Perhaps, but his trips to the convenience store often cause him to buy 2 for 1, or a bigger size because of the "special". This is not a condemnation of convenience stores, sometimes they are necessary, road trips for example. However this friend doesn't even have a car, so why go there? The decision to walk in the door in the first place comes from a attitude of thinking that convenience stores are, as the name implies, inherently more convenient. When you don't have a car, are they really? If you do have a car, the only time they are really "convenient" is when you have to stop to fuel up. This has become a habit for my friend, and as such it partly defines his lifestyle. Again, this is not a condemnation of convenience stores, but besides a very few items like water, nuts, or fruit, there isn't very much in them that supports a pursuit of health.

For this discussion, I believe I am going to skip over moral standards for today. Morals do play into a pursuit of health, but I do not think they are as key a factor as economic level. I may get some flack for this, because there are many who do not think they can pursue health if they are low income. I myself have at times been a victim of this kind of thinking. Let me tell you though, we are by all standards low income, yet my needs are always met. My family has spent many years on food stamps, and with thoughtful budgeting there is no reason that food stamps are not sufficient to pursue healthy eating goals. There are of course some challenges, but nothing determination and planning cannot overcome. 

Exploring that thought further, for years I told myself I couldn't support going to the gym. It is challenging, even now, but there are many things I can go without so that I can go to the gym. The bottom line is priorities. Are you willing to prioritize your health? Or do you really need the big screen tv? Many times over the years my husband and I have made choices that sacrifice something else so we can pursue our health. When you have your health, you have time to figure out those other things. As for me, I choose to chase after my health with everything I have, while I still have time.

I am blessed. God protected me for so long, until I got the wake up call last year. All these changes I make, they are lifestyle decisions. My husband said that when I joined Orange Theory Fitness he knew that it was just going to become part of our lives. Part of the new norm. What attitudes do you need to rework? What habits need changed? How do you know? Stop, and ask yourself does this support my long term health? If they answer is no, just stop. It is empowering to know that you can stop. If you can't stop, think that through, and decide how you can align it to your long term goals. Now go, run your race!

When will I finally drop below 300?

When I set my goals a little bit back, one of them was to be under 300lbs by the 30th of July. It does not look like I will make that goal, although I'm not going to count my chickens before they hatch. I've been doing lots of Orange Theory. I did 5 days last week, and plan to do 6 this week. (They are playing a bingo game, and it motivates me.) I know that doing Orange Theory is making my body into a fat burning machine, and that right now I am transitioning to muscle, so I understand why the scale isn't moving, but it is still frustrating.

We've been really busy, and perhaps my food hasn't been as on as before. I've stayed pretty good on my calories, except for a couple of days while I was adjusting to Orange Theory. What I've been eating has changed some. I was busy and tired last week, so I think I ate more grain based carbs than I normally do, and that may be part of the hold up as well.

So, I'm looking for non-scale victories. I'm going to take measurements later today, so there will probably be some. Movement, in general is getting easier. I'm working on so many things at once with Orange Theory that I could not pinpoint all the victories. My speed and incline on the treadmill has almost doubled, the rowing machine isn't killing my knees anywhere near as bad as it did at first. I even completed a 2000 meter row, something I didn't think I could accomplish.

This is a good journey, and when I get discouraged I look to all the people who support me on it, and most importantly Jesus, for my encouragement. It always comes, just when I need it, just what I needed to hear to keep going. This is a battle I will win, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is the race He has set before me, and I am going to run it as strongly and with endurance, as I can, letting His strength sustain me.

Accepting My Curves

I'm having a problem with the accepting my curves movement. I think it is fabulous to be good with where your body is at, but I think many are using the "Loving my Curves" movement to embrace unhealthiness. I have been overweight all my life. It has always been a struggle. I am not trying to be a skinny model type, I know I never will be. I am striving to be fit and the best I can be. For many years I was okay with being bigger, and it became a sort of excuse. A reason I couldn't do things, that eventually became an omnipresent reality. I had so many things on hold for when I lost weight, but I honestly wasn't putting any effort in.

The rub for me, and probably others, since I don't think my journey is that unique, was that being okay with where I was meant I didn't have to try to do better. My husband used to work at a place that had a sign that read "Good Enough is the enemy of Excellence." I was living a "good enough" life for years, but God promised excellence. Did that mean he would hand it to me on a silver platter? No, it meant I needed to go out and run the race that was laid before me, and in that race I would discover a deeper, more excellent relationship with Him. That doesn't make it easy.

Everyday I am walking in a new healing. My thought patterns are changing. The excuses are getting eliminated. This week I'm doing something I would have thought I couldn't do in the past. More importantly, because I was living in "good enough" I didn't really want to do it. So, what is it I am doing? Well, a few weeks ago I talked about Orange Theory Fitness, and I have joined them now. Twice a year they do what they call a challenge week, and this is that week. I had originally planned to do only Monday, Wednesday, and Friday this week, but every day is a different challenge, so I am going Monday-Friday.

Does it intimidate me? Heck yeah. Am I wondering how I'm going to do it? Definitely. However, this will give me all sorts of bench marks so I can check my progress in six months. I don't think it is chance that this is basically the first week I'm there. I believe God will give me the strength to see it through. I believe out of it He will create excellence. I'm excited to see how the week ends, and I feel like this is only the beginning of the fitness side of my journey.

Busy-ness & Plateauing

As I blogged about not so long ago, I set some goals for my weight-loss. Something I have never done before. Right now, the next milestone, getting under 300 is just around the corner. I have been sitting on a plateau around 315 lately. It is a bit frustrating. I'm hoping to get into Orange Theory Fitness by the end of this week, and hopefully hard work can help me reach the under 300 goal by the end of the month. The one thing I'm not going to allow myself to be is discouraged even if I don't make that goal.

It has been quite a while since I wrote a post here, I have just been so busy. Time seems to play tricks on me, by one token my days seem to pass slowly, by another token I seem to never have the time to do the things I want to get done. I'm slowly learning to overcome my tendency to procrastinate. I know that sounds silly. However, it is a real problem I face on a daily basis. It effects everything in my life, cooking, cleaning out my closet, and exercising.

Cleaning out the closet needs to happen soon. A lot of my clothes don't fit, and it is time to sort through them. Perhaps, some of the nicer ones can be consigned or sold to help me get my gym membership, and or new clothes. I hate to spend much on clothing because I know I'm not staying here. That is really sinking in. I'm not staying here. I'm going down, and rather I'm on a plateau or not, this size is temporary.

Non-Scale Victories

So, the scale has been moving very slowly lately, but it is at least still going down. I am choosing to focus instead on non-scale victories. I've had a load of them lately. Some big, some small, some...well I don't know how to explain, so let me try. As you lose weight, one of the first things that need to be replaced is undergarments. You know, a dress, shirt, or pants can be too big and okay, but you can't have your undies falling off. My issue was not so much the undies as the bras. My bras were already kind of needing replaced, and then I was looking at pictures of myself in the blue dress and realized they were really beyond use. I found a good deal and ordered new ones. I wasn't even entirely sure the size I needed, so I ordered three sizes. I ended up needing the smallest band size, and the smallest cup size I ordered. The rest got sent back for exchange.

Okay, here is where it gets real, and honest. I went down two cup sizes. TWO! Yep, I have nothing much to speak of left up top. It is amazing to see how different things fit now that I have the correct bra size on. The best part is the next time I need bras I won't have to order them because I fit into a fairly normal size now. That is truly a non-scale victory.

Just breaking news, I can usually wear a seat-belt now. Something I have not always been doing. In many cars seat-belts didn't fit, in our car it fit but was tight. It is somewhat dependent upon how far forward I have the seat, and as such, when driving, it can be a bit too tight still. I've been out of the habit of wearing a seat-belt, so now my daughter is reminding me to put it on.

I've had several non-scale fitness victories. Last night we watched the fireworks and I sat on the ground. I got up without any help. Also, two weekends ago when I was away, I went up and down stairs several times a day. All in all, small victories are adding up, and today I finally got my new hair-cut. My daughter had colored my hair last week. So, here is to victory over all the challenges involved in losing weight. (Including the sagging skin, which will be discussed another day.)

Freedom in Movement!

Life is constantly changing. It has been almost a year ago that I went into the hospital with sepsis, and stayed for 9 days. The life changes that have happened since then are amazing. Just after closing the shop, my health was so poor. I don't know how many times I caught colds. I was having a hard time just walking around the store, many times resorting to the wheelchair cart. My knee was in pain pretty much constantly, and it was severely limiting my movement.

This week I'm really feeling changes in that area. It has been happening for about a month, but this week is when I really noticed how limited I had been. Now I'm parking further from the store on purpose, and it is freeing to not have to drive around and around to get a better spot. This is something I didn't really even think of, much less consider a kind of bondage.

I feel better, stronger, and healthier everyday. Just yesterday I tried Orange Theory Fitness, something I'm sure I would have disliked and dreaded in the past, but not yesterday. It is like I'm craving the challenge now. I cannot even fathom the changes that God is working in my spirit and body. Yesterday was exhilarating, and I'm hoping to be able to go again soon.

Finally, I'm going to finish this off by saying, I'm starting to take the stairs. Going down is still challenging to my knee, but I'm confident I will be able to reverse that. This morning I took my fasting blood sugar, and most of the time that is about 135-140, today it was 105, so I'm confident I'm reversing the diabetes. Most importantly, I'm sure that God is transforming me into a more abundant life, and I praise Him for the transformations.