Wow, I dropped the ball--Sorry! I am back, and ready to share.

 It has been so long since I wrote a post here, 2 years and 5 months to be exact. My journey admittedly kind of stalled for a time. It never completely stopped I suppose, but life and busyness sort of kept me from focusing on my health. I would try to recapture the momentum I had when I was blogging all the time, but with very little support from my spouse, a full time job, and still being in school I just wasn't able to maintain the trajectory I was on when I was actively in pursuit. I would by lying if I said the pandemic didn't make a difference as well. So let me give a brief overview of the last almost two and half years as I also dive into where I am today.

I was starting my first term at OSU in my last blog, and I had several terms with varying success at OSU. I currently sit 4 classes away from graduating. One of those classes I have struggled with and taken multiple times. This term I am not in classes, and I may not be until Fall of 2021, but that is yet to be determined. At this time I am still in process of making a plan to finish those last 4 courses. One big thing that happened while I was at OSU is that I found a job I love. I work in a secured adolescent residential mental health facility. I love being able to have a positive impact in kid's lives, and contribute to my community working with a population that is difficult to work with. 

The impact of the trauma of my daughter losing her youth pastor was still being processed in my last blog, and so much has changed since then, but the trauma is still affecting us. Today my daughter faces substantial mental health issues that we are navigating. They are probably exacerbated by me kicking her dad out in September of 2020, eleven months after we moved from Albany back to Corvallis.  Our marriage had been dead for a long time, and there were a lot of things that led up to the eventual decision that divorce was the only answer. I had clung to that marriage in a combination of desperation, fear of the unknown, and stubbornness. It took a balancing act of several things to see how my next step in my life had to be to move on, and my kids pushing me was no small part of the motivation.

As to my health journey, sometime during these last couple of years I read a book that really inspired me, called Bright Line Eating. I love the psychological perspective on eating, but I have tried the system several times without sustainable success. On my last weigh in I was at 307.5, down 26 lbs from where I restarted on November 7th of 2020. I would say I am appalled that I let it climb back up that high, but the reality is that so many things were going on, and the way of eating was not enough of a habit for me to sustain. I was doing pretty good with Bright Line Eating in the beginning of 2020, but then the pandemic hit, and I walked into Trader Joe's where the entire freezer section (one of the key ways I prep) was empty, and I just abandoned my plan. Add to that a job where they feed you, but of course it is not the healthiest diet for someone looking to lose weight, and it was a recipe for weight gain. I was going along in a what difference does it make manner, when in November something changed.

I met this amazing man, someone I didn't ever anticipate I would meet, especially given the timing. No doubt, I was on a dating site, but I wasn't looking for anything serious. It is astounding how serious it got, and how fast. What is better yet, is that he is not just supportive of all my goals, he encourages me, and gives me guidance in pursuit of them. The first for us to tackle as a couple was getting healthy. See, if you have read my blog much, or followed my journey, we know that I intellectually understand what needs to happen for me to be healthier. (I honestly feel that many who are overweight are in this same boat.) The struggle is the actions and maintaining of healthy habits. This is where accountability becomes a big thing. My partner holds me accountable in many ways, but doesn't allow me to walk alone on this journey. We walk together, even though he is in a different place in it than I am. My ex would try to encourage me, but basically from the sidelines. It honestly just irritated me because it felt condescending and like a hypocrite was trying to tell me how to do better. This is how much of his "encouragement" felt. 

You will want to know what plan I am currently following, what is the formula, that is what everyone always wants to know. I have the same answer that every overweight person has heard a million times and detests, it is different for everyone. I started out basing my plan on Bright Line Eating (BLE), but with my job, the combination of odd breaks, and emotional ups and downs, BLE didn't feel sustainable. I still use their portioning for my lunch to a degree. What I primarily use, which is what I have primarily used successfully in the past, is SparkPeople. I use their calorie recommendations, and at the suggestion of my significant other my goal is to keep 30% or more of my calories from protein, and always more calories from protein than carbs. I shouldn't eat gluten at all, it gives me a terrible reaction. I had some last week, and today I am feeling under the weather, so I have to wonder if that is still related to the gluten. When I eat it, I ache everywhere. I also avoid added sugar, and try to minimize sweeteners. If I am using a low cal sweetener I choose stevia or monkfruit. 

The gyms just opened back up this last week in town, and I am trying to go a minimum of 3 times a week for now. I also have a step goal, that I am doing horrible at, of 8000 steps a day. On work days I usually manage about 6000, so I still have a bit to go, since off days are even worse. Since being a single income household I cannot afford to go to Orange Theory Fitness, as much as I love it. Instead I am doing my own workout plans at Planet Fitness. With Covid-19 closures I have yet to get into much of a routine of that. I'm suspecting this blog will focus on fitness goals, etc. as it is the harder part for me to dial in. 

Finally, today I am going to show a few pics. There will be one history pic that shows me at about 380ish, I probably wasn't even weighing myself then, because I didn't want to know. The rest are since I met my current partner, can you see the joy? I can.

This one is just before I kicked my ex out. 335ish?

A rare pic of me at about my highest weight.

Over 7 months since I last posted....Sorry!

Wow, it has been a bumpy summer. Sadly, as a result of my still not completely working through my coping mechanisms, I have put on some weight. Yesterday, when I stepped on the scale because my clothes weren't fitting right, I was at 314. Okay, so it is still around 15 lbs, but it is in the wrong direction. I'm starting back at school next week, and it is time to get back on track.
We had such a crazy, busy, stressful summer. We had to move at the end of June, right after finals. I did well on finals, and got a 3.81 gpa for the term. Still, there was tons of stress involved with moving, and the place we found first fell through, so that I spent the week after finals looking for a place. We were blessed by our church with lots of help moving out. It was a good thing, and I really needed it.
I feel like we were just starting to recover from the move when our friend, and my daughter's youth pastor, who she deeply loves, drowned in a tragic accident. Add to that the stress that my daughter was present when it happened, and we spent the next part of the summer walking through grief over the tragic loss of a very special person I was looking forward to getting to know better.
Finally, I'm preparing for the first term at OSU, and have come to realize that I am probably changing my major yet again. Understand, this is not a move I would take lightly, I have done it too many times, but I feel like slowly God is refining the vision for where He is taking me. It is becoming clear that we all know we need to exercise and eat better, but the question is why don't we? This is sort of a nature versus nurture question. Is it as simple as the habits we were raised with, or is there some physiological and or psychological impetus that prevents us from doing what we know our bodies need? Is it a spiritual issue? All valid questions, and I really think the answer is some combination of all these factors. However, I want to dig into that further, and I think that is more in the realm of psychology than it is Kinesiology or Nutrition, although those are certainly factors that need to be understood to achieve and maintain a healthy lifestyle.
I'm going to stop there for the day, but more on this soon.

Diet....Not in the sense of Die with a "T"

Wowser, so I had this plan to go vegan. In many ways it was a good thing. I have this incredible blood profile I will post, I have very low cholesterol, however, I just entered some of the foods I've been eating into a tracker and I'm just eating way too many calories in a day. There is a lot of theory that you can't overeat on a vegan diet, and I call hooey on that one. The number of calories we take in still matters, and the scales show it. So, I'm about to reign in my diet yet again.
This time, my very first priority is tracking. I'm finding that vegan is not the right fit for me, although I do like to stick to a primarily vegetarian diet, so I think I'm going to choose to go flexitarian. For those who think I'm making this up, it is a real thing. "Flexitarian is a marriage of two words: flexible and vegetarian...you don't have to eliminate meat completely to reap the health benefits associated with vegetarianism – you can be a vegetarian most of the time, but still chow down on a burger or steak when the urge hits." This approach feels less restrictive to me, and more like the way my natural eating tendencies are.
I'm a week into the big weight loss challenge, and so far I don't think I've lost anything, and after last night's out of control dinner, I doubt I will lose much this week. Reigning it all in is necessity. I want to win this second challenge. I will post the pic for the last two weigh ins of the previous challenge, but I pretty much stayed where I was, and looking at the numbers after I entered my food, I know why. 
Now, to address the title of this blog, the one thing that is tough about working on losing weight is people's perceptions of diets. I know, a million people have said this before, but this isn't about a diet but a lifestyle change, and that is totally true. That being said, rather than feeling restricted I like to feel like I can eat whatever I want, but to do that, I must understand the price. There is a price you know? How much is that cheesecake worth to me? Sure, it may taste great, but if it prevents me from victory in reaching my goal is it worth it? Taking that further, is there a way to indulge the craving without going over the top? I think the easy answer to that one is yes. Find things that will satisfy the craving at a cost you are willing to pay. I have two Trader Joe's faves that fall into this category. The first is their cold brew popsicles, they are only 45 calories each, the second is their soy milk mini ice cream sandwiches that come in at about 90 calories apiece I believe. There are options. What are your go-to small sweet treats? 

Week 2 of the Challenge

Week 2 of the Challenge

First off, I'm sorry I didn't manage to make a post last week. I will continue to try to make a post on Saturdays. Anyway, the first week of the challenge was pretty good, but then I went back up in the second week. I don't know why I seem to hit these points where I stagnate, and one of them is around 295. It is almost as hard as getting below 300 was. Still, Lord willing I will persevere. 

It has been an interesting week. I'm taking two classes that are going to be able to help me pursue my health goals. I'm taking a Lifetime Health and Fitness class, where I'm excited to be able to get some real stats on my health. Plus a Health Determinants class where we are discussing the science behind how to change habits. Both classes should give me some real opportunities to continue to look at my health, and improve my health on many levels. More on that later. This is a great opportunity to use what I'm learning.

The great things that have happened in the last two weeks since school started: I've been planning meals and packing them, I haven't let up on going to Orange Theory, in fact I'm increasing the number of times I go a week, and I've started consistently taking the stairs at school. The bad: I had some high stress last weekend, some trouble adjusting to the sleep schedule, and a few binging  moments, mostly on sunflower seeds. During the stress I had an urge for sweets and combatted that by going to the gym, which was a great change in habit. 

Goals for the next week: Make a plan for what I'm going to do for the next, and more important weight loss challenge, continue with menu planning and meal prep, and add some extra exercise throughout the week. Finally, to make sure I do a blog post again in a week. Until then, have a blessed week, and continue to pursue your own health. 

The Challenge!

I'm sorry it has been so long since I've posted here, but the busy life of a student is my excuse. I will commit to posting once a week in the new year. Be looking for my posts on Saturdays. Today I am starting a challenge posted by a friend. It is an opportunity to win cash prizes for losing weight and getting fit. I have to admit that I went off plan over the holidays. Okay, not crazy off plan. I still went to Orange Theory on Thanksgiving, but I took a break from it for about a week and a half around Christmas. I did my first workout of the New Year on the 1st, and I'm happy that is the way my New Year has started. My weight has kind of been holding just under the 300lb mark, fluctuating between 296-299. I'm hoping the challenge helps me change that.
I've had a lot of people asking me about my blog, and I appreciate all the people who are on this journey with me. I feel like I'm constantly adjusting and shifting the plan to see what is working. In the end I will have the plan that works for me, and probably others. I almost feel like my body constantly needs to be shook up. I fall into a routine all too easy. From working out to diet, my body likes to regulate and stay where it is at. I guess that's where the scientific law of motion comes in, a body in motion stays in motion. That being said, rest was a good thing over the holiday break and I'm ready to get back at it.
A cousin of mine passed away suddenly this week, and I have to say, as with any sudden death, it has made me hyper aware of just how short a time we have here. I don't have time to waste on things that don't matter. Instead my time and energy are valuable, and I need to use them as a precious resource. I'm sure I haven't always been mindful of that, and I'm sure there will be moments when I still don't treat my life that way, but I have a goal in my sights, and I have every intention of reaching it.
Interesting, I have a definite goal, but it cannot be easily defined because I do not yet know what it looks like. My immediate goals are to get into OSU and complete my bachelor's degree in Kinesiology, and while I'm in the process of that get to a normal, healthy weight. I cannot guess what that weight is except to know what would be a normal bmi range for my height. I believe I should be around 140 lbs. A number that is fairly inconceivable to me since I haven't been that size since middle school or so. The bottom line is it isn't only a number, I'm aiming for an active, healthy, lifestyle. It is something I wish I had done sooner, but didn't have the motivation, inspiration, determination, and healing to have done sooner. All things come at the right time, and this is my time. I will be healthier at 50 than I was at 18, I know because I am not letting this go.
Finally, just a few milestones to share: I recently did a workout at Orange Theory where I only had to modify one thing! That was an amazing change. I'm getting up and down off the floor now without problems, and I can be on my knees. I still get back pain when there is a lot of rowing, but my back is getting stronger. Currently I'm eating vegan and loving it, my energy level is up and inflammation is down. How could that not make you feel better? I will likely be sharing some yummy recipes as I find ones I want to share with you. Meanwhile, I hope you are pursuing your health in this new year!
One last thing--I shared my pictures above that are for the new challenge I'm on, but I'm also sharing a "before" picture I found recently. I think in this picture I may be around 380?, I had quite a bit of time where I was too big for my scale, and that is somewhere over 350. I know at least once I went to the doctor and I was 380, so in my mind that is the heaviest I've ever been, but it is possible that it is even more than that. Anyway, it is nice to see the progress from that pic to the ones above.

Sorry I've been away so long, but life is hectic.

Wow! Time has gone by so quickly. I've been very busy with school, where I'm finding chemistry challenging. My weight had been holding, and I think it was the way I was eating. Food was too good at school, and I was eating more there than I should, and it was rich food. That being said, I still eat there once in a while so I don't feel deprived. I made a big dietary decision. Since I do not have time to calculate every morsel that goes in my mouth I'm primarily eating vegan. I'm not going to be dogged about it, although I did start to drop weight right away when I changed.
My first motivation to try veganism again was that I was having lots of inflammation problems, and I knew it had to be food related. Because I was eating out a lot it was hard to calculate things like sodium and fat. I know that even though I've been indulging a bit more in things like nuts and avocado, they are healthy fats, and much better for me than some of the fats I was consuming. Don't get me wrong, there are still lots of things I was doing right, but some old habits resurfaced too. Anyway, the inflammation was nearly immediately resolved, and then my energy level went up too. I'm able to push myself harder at the gym, and I'm sure that I will be seeing that 100lbs down mark sooner than later.
Here is the most astonishing thing, I think I'm becoming a morning person. Something I thought I would never be. I've always been a night owl, finding it hard to go to sleep before 11 and get up before 10, but that is completely different now. I'm super productive in the morning, and I get up by 7 or earlier everyday. A couple of days a week I go to the gym at 5 am. Something I wouldn't have even thought of doing before.
Also, since I've started school I have been making a habit of working on going up and down stairs more. I still usually take an elevator, but I go down stairs one foot at a time and forward. It may sound silly, but that is big progress. I don't know when I started, but at some point I started going down the stairs sideways and had to put both feet on one step before I stepped down to the next. It was a rather slow agonizing process. Going down stairs is still a challenge, but I do push myself to do a few more every week. Plus, my daughter asked me if I would go up the stair with her at Market of Choice one day and I did. She was astonished and said "Mom, you could never have done that so easy in the past." So, there is still constant progress, even though I feel like I've plateaued a bit. I don't plan on letting the holidays reverse that progress, and I should have more time once I'm past finals to let you know some of the strategies I use to keep it healthy during the holidays. Until next time, I hope you are spending time pursuing your health in a new way each day!

Life Changes, Stress, and Lifestyle Management

I know, it has been a while, please excuse the distance between posts. I have been pretty busy. I wasn't planning on doing school full time when I started, I wasn't planning to have a job while in school, but my plate is delightfully full. I'm enjoying having so much time that is productive, something I couldn't have sustained before the lifestyle changes I started in March, but I do still get tired, or perhaps just too busy to think about the minute details.
The biggest change, besides being constantly on the run, and never really having a day home to just relax, is my diet. With busyness comes the problem of lack of time. Lack of time to create the foods I prefer to eat, lack of time to plan ahead. This, and the fact that the school has a culinary department that makes the food, has led me to some less than ideal eating. It is hard to schedule eating 5-6 times a day. It is hard to eat smaller meals. It is hard to prepare meals. Add in a bit of stress, and my eating has not been what it was previously. I think this may be preventing the scale from moving.
All that, but I am not slipping that far into old patterns. I still limit my starchy carbs, I still typically stop at one plate, I still try to use portion control on those things that matter. (In other words anything not vegetable.) My new healthy habits are not gone, but perhaps a bit transformed. I do still go to Orange Theory Fitness 3-5 times a week, and I'm so glad I do.
I'm not sure what the greatest praise in all of this is. My weight has stayed the same under less than ideal circumstances, that is not a bad thing. I have made some really healthy new habits. School is going well, and even though I'm busy I'm more capable of handing that than I was previously. All in all, I feel great about where I'm at. Do I still want to lose more weight? Of course. My goal is to be in a healthy BMI, but I will not condemn myself for where I am right now, and I'm sure the weight will still come off, and I'm certainly giving it no opportunity to come back!

I'm an Overcomer

Madisa's song is reverberating in my mind, and it is inspiring me to not quit or give in. The start to school has been a bit rocky. I had my first test this week and I did not get a score I'm happy with. I know that God will walk me through this too, so I put my faith in Him. It has been a rough transition into school. I'm still doing well with going to Orange Theory at least three times a week, working towards five, but not there just yet.

Today I'm tired, and feeling a bit overwhelmed. I had an interaction with a beloved and valuable friend, and I was much less than loving, kind, and encouraging. I'm working through that with the Lord, and it brings me to other areas I need to grow in. I've been a co-dependent for so much of my life, and I believe shedding that skin is a necessary step in my walk.

I'm sort of holding steady on my weight right now, but eating right in my super busy schedule has been challenging. I've gotten almost en entirely new wardrobe since working and going to school means I need to wear decent looking clothes, and nothing I had previously seemed to fit. It is a good thing.

Lifestyle Changes

I'm seeing my life change on a daily basis. Change is the one thing we can count on in our lives, and I have always been aware of that, but in the past it seemed like change wasn't always healthy. Today, I choose healthy, and tomorrow I hope to do the same. I do not always make perfect choices, but the choices I make now are much more calculated than previously.

For example, yesterday I did my first Dry Tri at Orange Theory Fitness (OTF). A Dry Tri is a in gym triathlon that includes a 2000 meter row, 600 body weight movements, and 2.5k power walk or 5k run. I'm not a runner yet, so for me it was the power walk. I finished in roughly an hour, and I have a real sense of accomplishment just from finishing. This is not something I could have done 3 months ago when I first joined OTF. My 12 year old daughter was able to come cheer me on, and afterward I promised to take her to DelTaco. This is one of the only fast food places we ever eat at. I walked in planning on ordering my usual, 2 chicken soft tacos on soft corn tortillas without secret sauce, and then got sucked in by the Queso Blanco advertising.

Here is where it gets amazing. As we were coming out of OTF I could smell french fries, I'm not sure where the scent came from, but  I commented to my daughter that they smelled yummy. I like french fries, but for me they are not typically hard to resist. This day was no different, until we were looking at the Queso Blanco menu and they had cheese fries. In the past I might have just had them, but thanks to fast food menuing that includes the calories, I knew they were 500 calories. Some quick calculations, knowing that I actually hadn't eaten much for the day, and I realized I could indulge, a little. I asked my daughter if she would like to split an order, decided to get only one taco and no iced coffee, but unsweetened iced tea. This is a win!

Did I need fries? No, I could have gone without them. Did I allow myself a food that sounded good when I was in the mood? Yes, because I know that allowing myself an occasional day of reduced vigilance, especially in the light of so much physical activity, keeps me from feeling deprived. Feelings of deprivation can lead to binges, and I want to avoid that. The key here is knowing when to give in to a craving, and when to exercise will power. In the end, giving in to the craving is actually will power because I made a careful decision, not a decision made in a moment ruled by emotional eating. That is powerful indeed.

It is Official, I'm at 299 lbs

I know, I've been close for a while, but today the scale actually read 299. I'm so excited to be continuing to lose weight. It feels good to have lost 64lbs, and counting. I'm rediscovering my love of clothes shopping, although some things are cut strange, and sometimes my body is a strange shape.

So, I have always been honest with you about the changes happening, and I feel like I still need to be. The one that is disconcerting right now is that the extra skin on my lower belly folds and I'm lovingly calling it my second butt. My husband gets offended I call it that, but let me tell you, it is hard to dress it. Pants that fit right everywhere else don't quite fit the second butt correctly.

This is a journey, and I know it isn't always going to be great. However, the payoff is feeling better and being healthier. That is well worth every effort.

Hello from My Busy Life!

Whew! It has been a while. I didn't even realize how long until I shared my blog with a new friend I made at Heart Change over the weekend. The journey continues. I have still not dropped below 300, but I'm super close. This lifestyle is becoming more of habit. My youngest daughter started school last week, and I'm driving her and her BFF to school everyday so I can go to Orange Theory right after. I'm actually enjoying starting a schedule.

I feel like as I settle into that schedule, and get started in school it will be a good thing. It is going to make it easier, having a routine. Routine has never been a strong point for me. I'm not always sure I'm designed to do the same things day in and day out. We will see how that goes. Meanwhile, I need to regulate diet amidst the rest of this.

I haven't been so strict on diet, and I'm finding that since my body was already sort of trained on diet I tend to still be okay in not being too strict. I haven't been keeping track daily, but when I do go to check my diet I usually find that I'm on track, or under on daily calories. My body has become accustomed to smaller portion sizes, frequent small meals, and much less sugar. My daughter gave me a brownie the other night after I got home from Heart Change, and everyone said it was super delicious, but I found it too sweet and as much as I enjoy chocolate two bites was plenty for me. Those sort of changes encourage me.

Although the things that have been really encouraging me are the increased ability to do things in and out of the gym. We went to the beach and the walk up the steep hill was no biggie for me. I did 70 squats down to the bench last week. Something I don't think I could have done one of when I started Orange Theory. I'm getting ready now to do the dry triathlon at Orange Theory in two weeks. I'm not sure I can finish it in the allotted hour, but I'm going to give it my best try.  I will update you on my progress on that. It is my first step toward a traditional triathlon, which I hope to do next summer. Up and onward I go!

This Journey

Once again, some time has passed since my last blog. I've been very busy getting ready for school, both for myself, and my two daughters. I'm still kind of maintaining in about the same place I was. I think I may have shook the plateau, we will see. I was helping at a Heart Change workshop, and I found myself in the position of eating the food placed before me. I put it in God's hands. When I came back I was about 4 lbs up from when I had left, but that weight dropped off quickly. I think perhaps my body had gone into starvation/conservation mode, so I wasn't losing. Now I hope it is convinced that I was not starving, and I can start dropping again.

I am finding that I'm ready to start downsizing my clothes. I have a lot that don't fit, some of them very nice, and I will be listing them on eBay. I'm also trying to get my wardrobe ready for school. I'm finding that I'm enjoying clothes shopping again. Something I really haven't had the pleasure of doing for many years, or at least not without heading out of town to a special store. Now I can fit into sizes that are carried at Ross, and other stores. It is nice to be able to shop in a regular store.

You know, maybe in my mind I was downplaying that, but it is a really big non-scale victory. I forgot how much I love to clothes shop. I will have to be careful, because it could become an unhealthy addiction. Perhaps I need to work in retail again. I'm not sure, with all that is on my plate, that I'm ready to add a job to it. I feel like my days right now revolve around meal prep, exercising, and managing the household. To that I will be adding school. I want to see how I can manage all that before I bite off way more than I can chew.

I'm Still Here, and Still Working Hard

It has been so long since I created a new post, and I apologize. The weight has been coming off slowly, but it has been coming off. I'm not below 300 just yet, but getting oh so close. Lately life has been filled with so many non-scale victories that I had to share them here. My hubby and I spent the day together, and as part of the day we went to the Ross store in Albany. I think it tends to have more plus size clothing than the one here in Corvallis. Everything I tried on fit, and I tried on 3x and some 2x. I actually bought two items that were 2x. I haven't been able to fit a 2x since before I met my hubby over 19 years ago. Wow! It is pretty exciting to be able to walk into a store and find things that fit, I've had to catalog shop, or shop at special plus size stores for years.

Also on the note of sizing, and changes, I had to buy new winter shoes this week. I have always had wide feet, and for many years I've only worn Crocs, Birkenstocks, and Merrell Moccasins, but my feet have really been changing. Last week we had a bit of a cold snap and I decided to wear my Merrell's. After I had them on, I had to admit that my feet had gotten so much narrower that they were slopping around in my shoes. Since the shoes don't tie, they weren't going to work for winter. We were shopping in Albany and I saw these cute Clark shoes. They looked like they would be great for winter and walking around the college I'll be attending this fall, but I also didn't think they would fit. I've worn size 10s for years because I needed the width, but I've always been a size 9 1/2. These shoes were a 9 1/2 and regular width, I almost didn't try them on. My hubby persuaded me, and they fit, beautifully. Since they tie, they should be functional for a while.

Now, some non clothing related victories. This one is about movement. I have had a hard time with stairs for several years, only taking them when I absolutely have to. A couple of days ago we were in Market of Choice and although I rode the elevator up to go to the bathroom, I took the stairs down. Down is the harder for me, and I won't lie, it was still rough but I did it. Mobility is becoming so much less an issue. God is still working on my negative talk and attitudes about mobility.

The negative talk God is helping me overcome lately is the one that involves fitness. I love going to Orange Theory Fitness, something I thought I would never say. Even so, sometimes I find myself working hard to convince myself that I want to go. I always enjoy it once I get there, but I have this old negative thing about going to the gym. I'm realizing it is tied to a deeper lie that I am not athletic. My life choices have not been athleticism, but those were my choices, my body has always been capable of it. I am realizing that saying I'm not an athlete when I have athletic goals is like creating a self fulfilling prophecy. That is no longer how I live. I'm not limited by the past.

Perhaps that is the greatest victory, and one I'm constantly reaffirming, I'm not limited by what I have been. My future is today, this moment, now. I can choose how I want to move forward in this moment, and with the Lord's guidance and transformation my choices are getting better all the time. I'm happy to be moving ahead, and I can't wait to see what tomorrow is, but today I'm going to Orange Theory Fitness, and then maybe the Farmer's Market.

Lifestyle Decisions

Lifestyle, it has to support any pursuit of health. Dictionary.com defines lifestyle as "the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc.,that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group." You must change each of those things if you want to successfully change from a pursuit of dis-ease, to a pursuit of health.

Let me break this down. Habits and attitudes often walk hand in hand. I have a very dear friend who has a habit of dis-ease. He doesn't see it as that, but it is none the less. He likes to go to convenience stores. He has done it for so long that I don't think he can imagine not going to them. My family on the other hand, very rarely goes to one. In this habit, he buys a diet soda. Would he buy that diet soda if he went to a regular grocery? Perhaps, but his trips to the convenience store often cause him to buy 2 for 1, or a bigger size because of the "special". This is not a condemnation of convenience stores, sometimes they are necessary, road trips for example. However this friend doesn't even have a car, so why go there? The decision to walk in the door in the first place comes from a attitude of thinking that convenience stores are, as the name implies, inherently more convenient. When you don't have a car, are they really? If you do have a car, the only time they are really "convenient" is when you have to stop to fuel up. This has become a habit for my friend, and as such it partly defines his lifestyle. Again, this is not a condemnation of convenience stores, but besides a very few items like water, nuts, or fruit, there isn't very much in them that supports a pursuit of health.

For this discussion, I believe I am going to skip over moral standards for today. Morals do play into a pursuit of health, but I do not think they are as key a factor as economic level. I may get some flack for this, because there are many who do not think they can pursue health if they are low income. I myself have at times been a victim of this kind of thinking. Let me tell you though, we are by all standards low income, yet my needs are always met. My family has spent many years on food stamps, and with thoughtful budgeting there is no reason that food stamps are not sufficient to pursue healthy eating goals. There are of course some challenges, but nothing determination and planning cannot overcome. 

Exploring that thought further, for years I told myself I couldn't support going to the gym. It is challenging, even now, but there are many things I can go without so that I can go to the gym. The bottom line is priorities. Are you willing to prioritize your health? Or do you really need the big screen tv? Many times over the years my husband and I have made choices that sacrifice something else so we can pursue our health. When you have your health, you have time to figure out those other things. As for me, I choose to chase after my health with everything I have, while I still have time.

I am blessed. God protected me for so long, until I got the wake up call last year. All these changes I make, they are lifestyle decisions. My husband said that when I joined Orange Theory Fitness he knew that it was just going to become part of our lives. Part of the new norm. What attitudes do you need to rework? What habits need changed? How do you know? Stop, and ask yourself does this support my long term health? If they answer is no, just stop. It is empowering to know that you can stop. If you can't stop, think that through, and decide how you can align it to your long term goals. Now go, run your race!

When will I finally drop below 300?

When I set my goals a little bit back, one of them was to be under 300lbs by the 30th of July. It does not look like I will make that goal, although I'm not going to count my chickens before they hatch. I've been doing lots of Orange Theory. I did 5 days last week, and plan to do 6 this week. (They are playing a bingo game, and it motivates me.) I know that doing Orange Theory is making my body into a fat burning machine, and that right now I am transitioning to muscle, so I understand why the scale isn't moving, but it is still frustrating.

We've been really busy, and perhaps my food hasn't been as on as before. I've stayed pretty good on my calories, except for a couple of days while I was adjusting to Orange Theory. What I've been eating has changed some. I was busy and tired last week, so I think I ate more grain based carbs than I normally do, and that may be part of the hold up as well.

So, I'm looking for non-scale victories. I'm going to take measurements later today, so there will probably be some. Movement, in general is getting easier. I'm working on so many things at once with Orange Theory that I could not pinpoint all the victories. My speed and incline on the treadmill has almost doubled, the rowing machine isn't killing my knees anywhere near as bad as it did at first. I even completed a 2000 meter row, something I didn't think I could accomplish.

This is a good journey, and when I get discouraged I look to all the people who support me on it, and most importantly Jesus, for my encouragement. It always comes, just when I need it, just what I needed to hear to keep going. This is a battle I will win, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is the race He has set before me, and I am going to run it as strongly and with endurance, as I can, letting His strength sustain me.

Accepting My Curves

I'm having a problem with the accepting my curves movement. I think it is fabulous to be good with where your body is at, but I think many are using the "Loving my Curves" movement to embrace unhealthiness. I have been overweight all my life. It has always been a struggle. I am not trying to be a skinny model type, I know I never will be. I am striving to be fit and the best I can be. For many years I was okay with being bigger, and it became a sort of excuse. A reason I couldn't do things, that eventually became an omnipresent reality. I had so many things on hold for when I lost weight, but I honestly wasn't putting any effort in.

The rub for me, and probably others, since I don't think my journey is that unique, was that being okay with where I was meant I didn't have to try to do better. My husband used to work at a place that had a sign that read "Good Enough is the enemy of Excellence." I was living a "good enough" life for years, but God promised excellence. Did that mean he would hand it to me on a silver platter? No, it meant I needed to go out and run the race that was laid before me, and in that race I would discover a deeper, more excellent relationship with Him. That doesn't make it easy.

Everyday I am walking in a new healing. My thought patterns are changing. The excuses are getting eliminated. This week I'm doing something I would have thought I couldn't do in the past. More importantly, because I was living in "good enough" I didn't really want to do it. So, what is it I am doing? Well, a few weeks ago I talked about Orange Theory Fitness, and I have joined them now. Twice a year they do what they call a challenge week, and this is that week. I had originally planned to do only Monday, Wednesday, and Friday this week, but every day is a different challenge, so I am going Monday-Friday.

Does it intimidate me? Heck yeah. Am I wondering how I'm going to do it? Definitely. However, this will give me all sorts of bench marks so I can check my progress in six months. I don't think it is chance that this is basically the first week I'm there. I believe God will give me the strength to see it through. I believe out of it He will create excellence. I'm excited to see how the week ends, and I feel like this is only the beginning of the fitness side of my journey.

Busy-ness & Plateauing

As I blogged about not so long ago, I set some goals for my weight-loss. Something I have never done before. Right now, the next milestone, getting under 300 is just around the corner. I have been sitting on a plateau around 315 lately. It is a bit frustrating. I'm hoping to get into Orange Theory Fitness by the end of this week, and hopefully hard work can help me reach the under 300 goal by the end of the month. The one thing I'm not going to allow myself to be is discouraged even if I don't make that goal.

It has been quite a while since I wrote a post here, I have just been so busy. Time seems to play tricks on me, by one token my days seem to pass slowly, by another token I seem to never have the time to do the things I want to get done. I'm slowly learning to overcome my tendency to procrastinate. I know that sounds silly. However, it is a real problem I face on a daily basis. It effects everything in my life, cooking, cleaning out my closet, and exercising.

Cleaning out the closet needs to happen soon. A lot of my clothes don't fit, and it is time to sort through them. Perhaps, some of the nicer ones can be consigned or sold to help me get my gym membership, and or new clothes. I hate to spend much on clothing because I know I'm not staying here. That is really sinking in. I'm not staying here. I'm going down, and rather I'm on a plateau or not, this size is temporary.

Non-Scale Victories

So, the scale has been moving very slowly lately, but it is at least still going down. I am choosing to focus instead on non-scale victories. I've had a load of them lately. Some big, some small, some...well I don't know how to explain, so let me try. As you lose weight, one of the first things that need to be replaced is undergarments. You know, a dress, shirt, or pants can be too big and okay, but you can't have your undies falling off. My issue was not so much the undies as the bras. My bras were already kind of needing replaced, and then I was looking at pictures of myself in the blue dress and realized they were really beyond use. I found a good deal and ordered new ones. I wasn't even entirely sure the size I needed, so I ordered three sizes. I ended up needing the smallest band size, and the smallest cup size I ordered. The rest got sent back for exchange.

Okay, here is where it gets real, and honest. I went down two cup sizes. TWO! Yep, I have nothing much to speak of left up top. It is amazing to see how different things fit now that I have the correct bra size on. The best part is the next time I need bras I won't have to order them because I fit into a fairly normal size now. That is truly a non-scale victory.

Just breaking news, I can usually wear a seat-belt now. Something I have not always been doing. In many cars seat-belts didn't fit, in our car it fit but was tight. It is somewhat dependent upon how far forward I have the seat, and as such, when driving, it can be a bit too tight still. I've been out of the habit of wearing a seat-belt, so now my daughter is reminding me to put it on.

I've had several non-scale fitness victories. Last night we watched the fireworks and I sat on the ground. I got up without any help. Also, two weekends ago when I was away, I went up and down stairs several times a day. All in all, small victories are adding up, and today I finally got my new hair-cut. My daughter had colored my hair last week. So, here is to victory over all the challenges involved in losing weight. (Including the sagging skin, which will be discussed another day.)

Freedom in Movement!

Life is constantly changing. It has been almost a year ago that I went into the hospital with sepsis, and stayed for 9 days. The life changes that have happened since then are amazing. Just after closing the shop, my health was so poor. I don't know how many times I caught colds. I was having a hard time just walking around the store, many times resorting to the wheelchair cart. My knee was in pain pretty much constantly, and it was severely limiting my movement.

This week I'm really feeling changes in that area. It has been happening for about a month, but this week is when I really noticed how limited I had been. Now I'm parking further from the store on purpose, and it is freeing to not have to drive around and around to get a better spot. This is something I didn't really even think of, much less consider a kind of bondage.

I feel better, stronger, and healthier everyday. Just yesterday I tried Orange Theory Fitness, something I'm sure I would have disliked and dreaded in the past, but not yesterday. It is like I'm craving the challenge now. I cannot even fathom the changes that God is working in my spirit and body. Yesterday was exhilarating, and I'm hoping to be able to go again soon.

Finally, I'm going to finish this off by saying, I'm starting to take the stairs. Going down is still challenging to my knee, but I'm confident I will be able to reverse that. This morning I took my fasting blood sugar, and most of the time that is about 135-140, today it was 105, so I'm confident I'm reversing the diabetes. Most importantly, I'm sure that God is transforming me into a more abundant life, and I praise Him for the transformations.

Chicken Meal Prepping

So, I follow a very general reduced calorie plan, where I eat 6 small meals spaced through the day. Generally speaking I try to keep the meals about 200 calories, with at least 10 grams of protein, and get a couple of veggie servings in each. I'm a bit more flexible about carbs and fat. A large part of my daily diet is chicken breast meat that I cook myself and keep on hand to add to meals. Today, that is what my blog is going to be about.

Part of my meal prepping strategy is to cook extra when I do cook, and package it into meal size portions. In fact, I do not leave food in the pan for "seconds", when I serve a meal I make all the plates up for my family, then I package "leftovers" for later meals. This allows me to always have a stack of grab and go meals in the fridge. 

Chicken is sort of an exception for me. Every week I buy a pack or two of chicken breasts, season them simply (either Spike, or salt & pepper), and then I cook the entire pack. After it cools I shred the chicken, put it in a bag and store it in the fridge. Chicken is such a great source of low fat protein, and by shredding it I have lots of control over portion sizes. I also find that when it is shredded everyone in the family is happy with less. I often eat a 2.5 oz portion of chicken. The pictures below show a comparison of 2.5 ounces of chicken in a single piece, sliced, and shredded. You can see that shredding makes the portion seem much larger. Each 2.5 oz portion is about 86 calories, with not quite 2 grams of fat, and 16 grams of protein. (I don't mention carbs, because it has none.)

86 calories of a blank slate. What are some of things I do with this? I use it with leftover cooked veggies and a tablespoon or two of sauce. Think any type of leftover veggie, chicken, and sweet chili sauce, or, sliced onions and peppers with barbecue sauce. I throw it on salads, into "pasta" or zoodle dishes, and sometimes I just eat it plain, with raw veggies. A recent fave is to take about 1.5 ounces, mix a tablespoon of salsa, and throw it in a corn tortilla with lettuce and lite sour cream and cheese. The options are basically endless and it takes on any flavor.

Planning ahead for success when you are hungry is the best way to succeed, and this is why meal prepping works and is so popular right now. However, you have to make meal prep your own. What do you eat regularly? What could you eat everyday in different ways? Get creative.